I completely stepped outside my comfort zone this past weekend!! I participated in the Mrs Oklahoma International Pageant. I had so much fun! However secretly I was struggling!! Mentally I was a mess!!!
During the what was the most exciting time in my life in a very long time, my lack of self confidence was screaming at me!!! I have a great group of supporters and that is so awesome!! I know that I am Loved!!
Leading up to Pageant I was nervous, worried that my opening dress would not fit,, worried that I would not lose enough to get into my evening gown, and worst of all what if I was laughed off the stage!!! The day that my fitness wear came in I put it on ran into show Dennis and swore there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to parade on stage in that thing!! Can you say Vera Di Milo aka Jim Carey circa In Living Color?? Not pretty!!! In spite of myself I pushed onward! Even though the seamstress ruined my dress I went forward!!
When I arrived at the pageant orientation, I was late. I was frazzled. When the opening number dresses were handed out my fear was confirmed TOO SMALL!!! I was not going to go out on that stage in front of possibly hundreds of people looking like the Purple Michelin Man. With the help of the Asst Director and some sewing skills I pushed forward!!! With the Fitness Wear and some help from spanx I pushed forward!!
I did this pageant just being myself! I didn't use the makeup artist or an interview coach. My second dress was bought off the clearance rack for $45. The judges got all of me!! Everyone was so nice to me and so supportive!!
However during rehearsal my insecurity got the best of me. I really wanted to run!! I almost walked out 100x's!! I really had to talk myself into staying!! I did the same thing at my first 5K!!I just kept telly myself that I was not there to win, I had already won! I was not there to prove anything to anyone but me!! I had come too far to turn back!! I blew my onstage question, or did I?! People take away what they want. They hear what is important. Maybe to the judges I did not do well enough for a good score. I let my guard down and wore the altered dress, BTW every girl complained about the dress!!! I looked okay in the Fitness Wear (thank you spanx) and received a lot of compliments in my gown!! On the way out to our car people from the audience were approaching me praising me! Telling me how great I did. It was awesome!! I really started to feel 10 feet tall!!
If I would have allowed all the obstacles to stop me I would have let myself down! I am so happy that I did not RUN!!! Now I am ready for what is next!! So...WHAT'S NEXT???
Everything you want is on the other side of FEAR!!!!
During the what was the most exciting time in my life in a very long time, my lack of self confidence was screaming at me!!! I have a great group of supporters and that is so awesome!! I know that I am Loved!!
Leading up to Pageant I was nervous, worried that my opening dress would not fit,, worried that I would not lose enough to get into my evening gown, and worst of all what if I was laughed off the stage!!! The day that my fitness wear came in I put it on ran into show Dennis and swore there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to parade on stage in that thing!! Can you say Vera Di Milo aka Jim Carey circa In Living Color?? Not pretty!!! In spite of myself I pushed onward! Even though the seamstress ruined my dress I went forward!!
When I arrived at the pageant orientation, I was late. I was frazzled. When the opening number dresses were handed out my fear was confirmed TOO SMALL!!! I was not going to go out on that stage in front of possibly hundreds of people looking like the Purple Michelin Man. With the help of the Asst Director and some sewing skills I pushed forward!!! With the Fitness Wear and some help from spanx I pushed forward!!
I did this pageant just being myself! I didn't use the makeup artist or an interview coach. My second dress was bought off the clearance rack for $45. The judges got all of me!! Everyone was so nice to me and so supportive!!
However during rehearsal my insecurity got the best of me. I really wanted to run!! I almost walked out 100x's!! I really had to talk myself into staying!! I did the same thing at my first 5K!!I just kept telly myself that I was not there to win, I had already won! I was not there to prove anything to anyone but me!! I had come too far to turn back!! I blew my onstage question, or did I?! People take away what they want. They hear what is important. Maybe to the judges I did not do well enough for a good score. I let my guard down and wore the altered dress, BTW every girl complained about the dress!!! I looked okay in the Fitness Wear (thank you spanx) and received a lot of compliments in my gown!! On the way out to our car people from the audience were approaching me praising me! Telling me how great I did. It was awesome!! I really started to feel 10 feet tall!!
If I would have allowed all the obstacles to stop me I would have let myself down! I am so happy that I did not RUN!!! Now I am ready for what is next!! So...WHAT'S NEXT???
Everything you want is on the other side of FEAR!!!!
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